Best 100+ desi Hindi jokes collection
Bahu ke Affair Bahu ke 12 affair sunkar sasur mar gaya.... 34 affair sunkar pati mar gaya Saas...chup rahi kyu..? . . .... . . . . . KYUNKI SAAS BHI KABHI BAAHU THI....!!! Bhagwan ke 100 saal 1 man askd to GOD: 100 saal apke liye kya hai? GOD: 1second. Man: 1crore rupees ap ke liye kya hai? GOD: 1coin. MAN: mujhe 1 coin dedo. God: 1second ruk.... Mera Dushman Pathan: Wo jo table pe aadmi baitha hai us se hamara dushmani hai. Dost: Table pe to 4 aadmi hain. Khan: Wo jiski muchhein hain. Dost: Muchhein to sub ki hain. Khan: Wo jis k safed kapre hain. Dost: Wo to sub ke safed hain Khan ne gusse mein pistol nikala aur 3 aadmion ko maar kar bola. Wo jo reh gaya hai usko hum nahi chhorega. Advertisement 5 Star Dinner just for Rs. 100 Once a beggar got Rs.100/- He decided to have a Royal Dinner that night... He went to a 5 star hotel... ordered ...food one after the other... When the bill came...It was of Rs.3000/- The beggar told Manager that he did not have any money.... The Manager handed him over to the police... The beggar gave Rs.100/- to Police and set himself free.... Jeans ki Price Girl- Is jeans ki price kitni hai? Dukandar- Rs.3000 Only. Girl: uff....! Aur us Jeans ka kya price hai? Dukandar: uff uff..;->:-D Teachers and Students Special Teacher: What happened in 1869? Student: Gandhi ji was born. Teacher: What happened in 1873? Student: Gandhiji was four years old. Garib Ladkiyan Father watching FTV suddenly son came, Father says garib ladkiyan hai kapde lene ke liye paise nahi hai Son replies: Isse bhi garib aaya to muje bula lena. common between BUDDHA, JESUS ... Teacher: What is common between BUDDHA, JESUS, KRISHNA, RAM & GANDHI? Student: All are born on Government Holidays...!!! Advertisement Mard Ka Dard Mard agar aurat par hath uthaaye to zaalim, Aurat se pit jaaye to buzdil, Aurat ko kisi ke saath dekh le to irshalu, Agar kuchh na kahe to begairat, Agar ghar se baahar rahe to awara, Ghar mein rahe to nakara, Bachchon ko daante to zaalim, Na daante to laparwah, Haaye mard bechara jiske jeevan mein sirf dard hi dard hai, Aur upar se kehte hain mard wohi hai jisko dard nahi hota. Hanging below Helicopter 6 PAKISTANIS & 1 INDIAN were hanging below Helicopter on rope. Pilot- One must leave B'coz of Overload. INDIAN said - "I will Sacrifice." All PAKISTANIS CLAPPED ;-) JAI BABA RAMDEV BILLU ko hatho ke nakhun khane ki aadat thi. Parents ne usko BABA RAMDEV ke paas bheja. Ab? Ab kya? Ab BILLU pairo ke nakhun bhi kha sakta hai...! JAI BABA RAMDEV Secrets of Success in Your Room "8 secrets of success" U can find in your room.... 1.ROOF says - Aim high 2.FAN says - Be cool 3.CLOCK says - Every minute is precious 4.MIRROR says - Reflect before u act 5.CALENDER says - Be up to date 7.DOOR says - Don't miss the opportunity 8.BED says - SAB BAKWAS HAI, MAST CHADAR ODHO AUR SO JAO. Bird flu in humans Teacher - Itne din se kaha the? Student - Bird flu ho gaya tha. Teacher - Par ye to Birds mein hota hai insaano mein nahi. Student (Gusse mein) - Insaan samjha hi kahan aapne... roz to Murga bana deti ho. Advertisement Don't steal my shoes A man in temple left a notice, "Don't steal my shoes - Boxing Champion" When he returns, he sees shoes missing, with a notice, "Don't try to catch me, - Olympic Race Champion". Tax Structure in India 1) Qus. : What are you doing? Ans. : Business. Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX! 2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business? Ans. : Selling the Goods. Tax : PAY SALES TAX!! 3) Qus. : From where are you getting Goods? Ans. : From other State/Abroad Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI! 4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods? Ans. : Profit. Tax : PAY INCOME TAX! 5) Qus. : How do you distribute profit ? Ans : By way of dividend Tax : Pay dividend distribution Tax 6) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods? Ans. : Factory. Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY! 7) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory? Ans. : Yes Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX! 8) Qus. : Do you have Staff? Ans. : Yes Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX! 9) Qus. : Doing business in Millions? Ans. : Yes Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX! Ans : No Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax 10) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank? Ans. : Yes, for Salary. Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX! 11) Qus.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner? Ans. : Hotel Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX! 12) Qus.: Are you going Out of Station for Business? Ans. : Yes Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX! 13) Qus.: Have you taken or given any Service/s? Ans. : Yes Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX! 14) Qus.: How come you got such a Big Amount? Ans. : Gift on birthday. Tax : PAY GIFT TAX! 15) Qus.: Do you have any Wealth? Ans. : Yes Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX! 16) Qus.: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going? Ans. : Cinema or Resort. Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX! 17) Qus.: Have you purchased House? Ans. : Yes Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE ! 18) Qus.: How you Travel? Ans. : Bus Tax : PAY SURCHARGE! 19) Qus.: Any Additional Tax? Ans. : Yes Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!! 20) Qus.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax? Ans. : Yes Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY! 21) INDIAN :: can i die now?? Ans :: wait we are about to launch the funeral tax!! Your Last Wish Judge: Your last wish? Mujrim: Aap ki beti se shaadi, Nokia N97, 5 crore Rs, USA ka visa, 2 saal ka haneymoon, 6-7 bachche jo aap ko nana nana kahein or mujhe papa aur main un sab ki shaadi karwa doon us ke baad aap jo faisla do mujhe manzoor hoga. Judge: Hahaha... meri koi beti hi nhi. Tanggo kamine ko.! Love Proposal Reaction Agar ek ladka apna pyar izhar kare to ladki k 5 jawab ye hoge: 1) No 2) Yes 3) Aapko dost samjhti hun 4) I m engaged 5) I love someone else. Aur ladki izhar kare pyar ko ladke ke 5 jawab ye hoge: 1) Haan. 2) Yes.. 3) Ok.. 4) Alright 5) Me too.. Moral : Boyz ka dil, dil nahi darya hota hai. RAILWAY INTERVIEW RAILWAY INTERVIEW:- Interviewer:- agar do gaadiyan ek line pe aa gayi to kya karoge? Santa:- Jee, red light dikhaunga.. Interviewer:- Red light na ho to? Santa:- Torch dikhaunga.. Interviewer:- Torch na ho to? Santa:- Apni red shirt utaar kar dikhaunga. Interviewer:- Shirt bhi red na huyi to? Santa:- Fir main apne bua ke ladke ko bulaunga. Interviewer:- Hain..!! Wo kyun? . . . . . . . . . Santa:- Jee, usne kabhi traino ki takkar nahi dekhi. Advertisement Secrets of success Secrets of success: 1. Kabhi top na karo warna log tum se jalne lagenge. 2. Hamesha late class mein jao is tarha har teacher tumhe yaad rakhega. 3. Zyada padhne se time zaya hota hai or time zaya karna gunah hai. 4. Kabhi test na do kyun ke beizzati ke 2 marks se izzat ke 0 achche hain. Spiderman, Superman and Batman Died In 1975 Spiderman, Superman and Batman were flying across india and thay suddenly died. . . Do you know why? . . Yad hai, sholay me GABBAR ne 3 goliya hawa me chalayi thi. Aur kya chahiye tumhein Ladka ladki se: Mere paas mere dost jaisi car nahi hai Par tumhein palkon pe baitha ke ghumaaunga Uske jaisa bada ghar nahi hai Par tumhein dil mein rakhunga Uske jitne paise nahi hain Par tumhein majdoori kar ke khilaunga Aur kya chahiye tumhein???? Ladki: Bas kar pagle ab rulayega kya...? Chal apne dost ka number de... Secret of Long Life Ek din jeeto bahut saari chocolate kha raha tha. Ek aadmi ne dekha to us-se raha nahi gaya aur woh jeeto ko salaah dene laga. Aadmi: Beta itni zyada chocolate nahi khaate, sehat ke liye theek nahi hoti. Jeeto: Ek baat bolun mere dada ji 105 saal ke hain. Aadmi: Achcha! Kya woh bhi bahut saari chocolate khaate hain. Jeeto: Nahi. Aadmi: To phir. Jeeto: Woh apne kaam se kaam rakhte hain. Gujarati aur Maarwadi 1 Gujarati aur Maarwadi ne samandar ke kinaare Board par likha dekha : "DOOBTE HUE KO BACHAANE WALE KO Rs. 500 ka INAAM" Maarwadi :Main samandar mein jump lagata hoon, tum mujhe bacha lena, is tarah Rs. 500 milenge jise hum aadha-aadha baant lenge Yeh keh kar Maarwadi paani mein kood gaya. Gujju khamoshi se dekhta raha. Maarwadi ne chilla ke kaha : Mujhe Tairna nahi aata tum mujhe bachaate kyon nahi? Gujju : Tum ne board ke neeche nahi padha Niche likha tha: "LAASH NIKAALNE WALE KO 5000 KA INAAM". Advertisement Woh Baat Kuch Aur Thi Aisa nahin ki yeh zindagi buri hai... Par school life ki baat kuch aur thi. Aisa nhi ki ab hansi nahi aati... Par doston mein baith ke khilkhilane wali baat kuch aur thi. Aisa nahi ki ab tension se raat nahi guzarti... Par exams ki raaton mein jaagne wali baat kuch aur thi. Aisa nahi k aage aa kar kuch haasil na kiya ho... Par passing marks le kar party udane wali baat kuch aur thi. Aisa nahi ki ab zindagi nahi kat rahi hai... Par doston mein zindagi jeene ki baat hi kuch aur thi. Maa Kya Hoti Hai Maa Kya Hoti Hai? Ek khoobsurat rishte ka naam hai Maa. Yeh Maa hi hai jo apne bachchon ko subah uthaati aur kehti hai... . . . . . . . . Uth jao kanjron, 11 baj rahe hain, kutton ki tarah pade rahte ho, tumahre baap ne naukar nahi rakkhe hain jo tumhein nashta bana kar denge Zindagi haraam kar rakhi hai kameeno ne. Kaam ke na kaaj ke dushman anaaj ke... Note: Har "Maa" wale msg emotional nahi hote Maa kabhi kabhi frustrated bhi to ho sakti hai Murgi Ki Shaadi Ek murgi ne ek Baaj se shadi kar li . . . . To ek Murga bola : Hum mar gaye the kya?? . . . . . . Murgi Boli : Mai to tumse hi shadi karna chahti thi, lekin Mom-Dad chahte the ki mera pati Air-Force me ho Janta Maaf Nahi Karegi Janta maaf nahi karegi collection :--- 1. Whatsapp par 2 km lambe message bhejne waalon # Janta maaf nahi karegi 2. John Abraham ko comedy film me cast karne waalon # Janta maaf nahi karegi 3. Har hafte Adobe update nikaalne wale logon # Janta maaf nahi karegi 4. Good morning ko Guuddd Morningggg..!!! Likhne waalon # Janta maaf nahi karegi 5. Chilar ki jagah, Eclairs dene waalon # Janta maaf nahi karegi 6. Har movie se pehle gutka mukesh ki ad dikhane waalo, # Janta maaf nahi karegi 7. Ladkon ki reply par hmmm.. likhne wali ladkiyon, # Janta maaf nahi karegi 8. "I love you but as a friend" kehne wali ladkiyon # Janta maaf nahi karegi 9. Har hafte set max par Sooryavansham dikhane waalon # Janta maaf nahi karegi 10. Sunny Leone ko sari pehnaane waalon # Janta maaf nahi karegi 11. Android per BBM use karne waalon # Janta maaf nahi karegi 12. 21 ball me 11 run bana ke world cup harvane waalon # Janta maaf nahi karegi Chhod Do Nasha "Cheeta Cigarette Ka Kash Lagane Hi Wala Tha Ki Achanak Chuha Wahan Aaya Aur Bola, Bhai Chhod Do Nasha, Aao Mere Saath, Dekho Jungle Kitna Khubsurat Hai. Cheetah Chuhe Ke Saath Chal Diya. Aage Hathi Cocaine Le Raha Tha, Chuha Fir Bola, Bhai Chhod Do Nasha, Aao Mere Saath, Dekho Jungle Kitna Khubsurat Hai. Hathi Bhi Saath Chal Diya. Aage Sher Whisky Pene Ki Tayari Kar Raha Tha, Chuhe Ne Usse Bhi Woi Kaha. Sher Ne Glass Side Par Rakha Aur Chuhe Ko 5-6 Thappad Mare. Hathi Bola: Kyun Maar Rahe Ho Is Bechare Ko ? Sher Bola: Ye Saala Roz gaanja peekar Aise Hi Sabko Puri Raat Jungle Ghumata Hai." Advertisement Logic Teacher was teaching Mahabaratha to 6th std students. "Kans heard devaki's 8th son wud kill him. So he put devaki & vasudev in prison. 1st child was born. Kans killed it by poison. 2nd child Kans killed by sword. 3rd was born n so on... At this point a boy raised his hand for a doubt. Teacher : What? Boy : "If Kans knew that the 8th son wud kill him, why did he put Devaki & Vasudev in SAME jail?" Teacher fainted ! Generation gap, but common sense ! Bade Hokar Kya Karoge Teacher: Tum bade hokar kya karoge? Student: shaadi..!!! Teacher: nahi, mera matlab hai kya banoge? Student: dulha.!!!!!!! Teacher: oh, i mean bade hokar kya hasil karoge? Student: dulhan... Teacher: IDIOT mera matlab bade ho kar mummy papa k liye kya karoge? Student: Bahu laaunga Teacher: stupid tumhare papa tumse kya chahte hai? Student: Pota Teacher: he bhagwan, tumari zindagi ka kya maksad hai? Student: Hum do humare do! Bade Dil Wala Ek aadmi ka dil kitna bada hota hai aur aurat ka kitna chhota aap khud hi dekh leejiye Ek aurat ke dil mein sirf uske lover, apne pati aur apne bachchon ke liye hi jagah hoti hai Lekin aadmi ke dil mein to Apni lover Dost ki lover Bhai ki lover Padosi ki lover Bivi ki saheli Behan ki saheli Padosan ki saheli Apni saali BHai ki saali Saale ki saali Saali ki saheli Saamne waali Peechhe waali Baaju waali Upar wali Baaju waali Neeche waali Sabji waali Doodh waali Kapde waali Kaam waali aur aakhir mein thodi bahut apni patni ke liye bhi jagah hoti hai Sach mein aadmi ka dil bahut bada hota hai Procedure To Follow Karna Padta Hai Bank mein customer ne cheque dete hue poochha ki "Madam yeh kitne dino mein clear ho jaayega" Madam: Kam se kam do-teen din lagenge. Customer: Lekin madam itna time kyon lagega? Jis bank ka cheque maine diya hai woh to saamne waali duilding mein hi hai. Madam (Bade hi shaant swar mein) : Sir main aapko kaise samjhun, procedure to follow karna hi padta hai na. Maan leejiye ki aap shamshaan ke saamne hi mar jaate hain to ghar waale aapki laash ko ghar le jaayenge ya wahin saamne nipta denge. Boliye? Customer behosh! Sorry Ki Spelling Ek Boodha ek ladki se takra gaya. Boodhe ne ladki se bola: Sorry! Ladki: Andha hai kya..... Dikhta nahi hai... Is umar mein bhi ye sab... Pata nahin kahan se aa jaate hain!!! Yeh bolkar jaise hi woh ladki aage badhi, ek handsome sa ladka us se takra gaya. Ladka: Sorry... Ladki, sharmaate hue, "Koi baat nahin. it's okay!!! Woh boodha yeh sab dekh raha tha. Usne aakar ladki se poochha: MERI SORRY KI SPELLING GALAT THI KYA?? Advertisement Jinn Bana Bewakoof Pakistani, American aur Indian ek ship mein ja rahe the.. Achaanak ek Jinn aaya aur bola: "Samundar mein koi cheez pheko, agar maine dhoondh li to main tumhein maar dunga aur na dhoondh paya to main tumhara Gulam". Pakistani ne sui phenki. Jinn ne dhoondh li aur use maar diya. American ne memory card pheka. Jinn ne dhoondh liya aur use bhi maar diya. Indian ne kuchh phenka... Ginn ne bohot dhoondha, dhoondh dhoondh ke thak gaya aur poochhne laga. "Batao mere aaka main haar gaya" (Socho Indian ne aisa kya phenka hoga ki jinn uska gulam ban gaya?) . . . . . . . . . . . . . Indian bola: "Main bhi tera baap hoon, maine Disprin ki goli fenki thi, Chal Beta, ghar chal bohot kaam pada hai" JINN Shocked & INDIAN ROCKED. Ek Bhikhari Ek bhikhari bheekh mangne ke liye masjid ke bahar baitha tha. Sab namaazi aankh bacha kar chale gaye aur usko kuchh na mila.. Wo phir church gaya.. Phir mandir aur phir gurudware.. Lekin usko kisi ne kuchh na diya.. Aakhir me ek beer bar ke baahar aakar baith gaya.. Jo bhi sharabi baahar nikalta woh uske katore mein kuchh daal deta Uska katora paison se bhar gaya... Faqeer bola :- "Waah re Prabhu" Rehte kahan ho aur address kahan ka dete ho.. Matri Bhasha Teacher: Hindi hamaari matri-bhasha hai, ise pitra-bhasha kyon nahi kehte? Student: Kyon ki mata ji ne kabhi pija ji ko bolne ka mauka hi nahi diya. Pyasa Musafir Musafir: Beta aap mujhe thoda paani pila denge. Bachcha: Agar lassi ho jaaye to.. Musafir: Tab to bahut hi achcha hoga Bachcha lassi le aaya. Musafir ne 5 lote lassi peene ke baad bachche se poochha "Beta tumhare ghar mein koi lassi nahi peeta" Bachcha: Peet to sab hain lekin aaj lassi mein chooha gir gaya tha aur ussi mein mar gaya. Musafir ne gusse mein lota zameen par de mara. Bachcha rote huye bola "Mummy inhone lota tod diya, ab toilet kya lekar jaayenge" Secrets of Success "8 secrets of success" U can find in your room. 1.ROOF says - Aim high 2.FAN says - Be cool 3.CLOCK says - Every minute is precious 4.MIRROR says - Reflect before u act 5.CALENDER says - Be up to date 7.DOOR says - Don't miss the opportunity 8.BED says - SAB BAKWAS HAI, Mast chadar odho aur so jao. Advertisement Modern Love Modern Love: Ek ladka blood bank mein: Sister mujhe ek botal khoon de do. Sister: Blood group batao. Ladka: Koi bhi chalega. Sister: Kaise. Ladka: Mujhe love letter likhna hai. Maa Sab Jaanti Hai 5 year old boy :- I love u mom Mom:- Aww! I Love u too...... 16 year old boy:- I love u mom Mom :- Sorry! I have no money.. . . 25 year old boy:- I love u mom. Mom:- Hmm... kaun hai woh? kahan rehti hai? . . Moral:- Maa sab jaanti hai But the best is.. 35 yr old man:- Mom I love you Mom: Beta maine pehle hi bola tha uss kamini se shaadi mat karna And the last one... 55 yr old man:- Mom I love you... Mom:- Beta main kisi bhi paper par sign nahi karoongi.. Naari Samman Sewa Uncle: What do you do son...? Boy: Naari samman sewa ke liye kaam karta hoon Uncle: Achcha to social worker ho Son: No uncle, Facebook par ladkiyon ki photo like karta hoon. Lambe Baal Ka Fashion Mom: "Beta tu baal kyun nahi katwata"?? Son: "Tum samajhti nahi ho, yeh fashion hai maa" Mom: "Arre idiot...! Ladke wale teri behan ko dekhne aaye the aur tujhe pasand kar gaye hain." Advertisement Mehnat Ki Kamai Father: Beta yeh lo Rs. 2000. Son: Lekin papa yeh kis liye. Father: Beta yeh teri mehnat ki kamai hai kyon ki jabse toone Whatsapp shuru kiya hai tab se raat ko security guard nahi rakhna pad raha hai Thought Of The Day Thought of the day: Aap bas pe chadhein ya bas aap pe chadhe Dono mein hi ticket aapka hi kat-ta hai.
